strange

once I told you indepencence is overrated.
I was wrong.
totally.
and I am confused about myself.
there is a tool in the system somewhere which doesn't work.
this tool would be responsible for my self-control.
I always know what I want but I wont tell you. I won't tell anyone because I can't.
but if I don't get what I want my mood often turns depressed. absolute depressed. deep depressed. no, it is not an existing phrase.
but I don't understand myself.
if I know(and I know) what's the problem why don't I solve it?
I don't know, really.
perhaps I am not able to do it.
I hope sometime this part of my personality will disappear.
makes my life a lot harder and most of my friends don't even know about it. they think it's normal. I mean that I don't talk about things like my real feelings, needs, wishes, desire.
did you know that I can't crib? use these kinds of little notes. you know. so my grades are not because of copying someone's thoughts or because I am so good at cribbing.
ahw who cares. *sight.
close to crying I am trying to face with this crazy thought: I don't even know what to do with Lili.
scary.
but the house is full of relations. no place to be alone, no place to cry.