"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose" no I am not.

last friday I didn't go to school. I escorted mum because she had to take care of granny. I was in a really bad mood at the weekend. I thought if I go with her I can just relax and have a good day with mum and granny but I was wrong. No, not at all... we have had a good day. But sometimes I felt like I was someone else. You know. Just hanging out in my body.... my soul flies and sits on a cloud and watches my body sitting at the table at granny's house. I think not every word of hers were clear. she's very sick. I'm disappointed. I thought she's OK. But she's not. No, she's like her own shadow. My little sweet and old granny......

"Your eyes so wide, your face aglow,It's the face of someone I don't know..."

She was just talking about changing. Because she's changing. And she's afraid of these changings because she knows where it is going..... I am afraid of them, too. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Maybe it sounds like a part of a tearjerker but unfortunately this suck is my life.

so on monday and thuesday I was upset. school is even not so important. I can do it. but this way it's hard.

I listen to music a lot. not on these boring gadgets but on soundcloud. I enjoy exploring new styles of music. now I'm listening to The Airborne Toxic Event and Arctic Monkeys and whatever I want....rock makes me feel like I am okay and I don't need anyone to bring me back to life. Shit.

No, this is okay.

"Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

Thank you, dear Bob Marley. You've always known what to say. Everything's gonna be alright......

Okay then comes the Rammstein. Ya, surprise. I thought all their songs are bullshit. Now if I have humour I just play it back and laugh how disgusting these german lyrics are....

I don't like speaking in German. My accent is unbeliveably bad and I have forgotten all I've learnt. That was a long time ago.

Yesterday we went on a trip with the family and we were looking for holiday houses. I had to speak in German when the owner was German. Nah never more. Shame but I'm bad at speaking in German.

Lake Balaton was beautiful. Remembered me to the summer. We were on the Northern coast but all the beaches are the same everywhere.

In August I'm gonna go back to the language school. No, not for learning german..... for learning English of course.

Seriously, this is what I want. Speaking English and travelling around the world and getting to know new countries.

On Friday on dad's exhibition I met an asian man and he told me about going to China or to Chorea or to Japan. AFS? no. on my own. Am I in? Sure I am. When and where? Just tell me and I fly. This is my dream.

I bought a David Bowie t-shirt in size L. I love it! I didn't know who he was. I have just knew that he was a musician but now I checked his songs and I am satisfied with my choice. He was good. The t-shirt is too big but thats the most important. People who look at me see who I am and not my body.
When I wear that t-shit I feel like I am special. Not a big thing but I am a girl. I need this feeling. And I don't often feel it. So thank you David; nice to meet/your photo/.